I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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