she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
