you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
