Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
