its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
