what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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