Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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