I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
