Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Your penis caused this!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
