Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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