your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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