Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
