Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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