Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
