evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
