The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
