I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Rumble strips road head = magical
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
