Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize