There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
