last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
