At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
