Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
