I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
