Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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