his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We don't watch enough power rangers
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
