There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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