I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
