Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
