my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
