Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
