yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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