Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
