it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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