Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Randomize
