I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize