Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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