I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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