you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
