I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Is Oprah even human
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
