We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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