So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
