nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
