I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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