guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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