I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
