he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
