He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
