Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
