I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
