At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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