i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
