i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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