hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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