ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
