Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
