I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
