At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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