What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
