I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
