'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
