dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Im part way to drunk.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
