Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
