I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
