Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
this beer tastes like vomit already
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
