Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The Olympian is in my bed
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