I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
