My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I touched a dick in church today
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