ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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