sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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